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please remember, my month of september

So far, this year has all but chewed me up and spat me out, ground the remains, then sent them through the shredder before the incinerator was called upon.

You see, am supposed to be planning, preparing and blah blah – Yeah, that’s right, I currently sipping a tall glass of lemonade. This was all until Monday morning happened to me ;). I’ve been going around, writing bitter tasting posts, singing the song; if they knew my story, boo-hoo me, everybody hates me, why me – talk about doing badly, indeed.

Well, Monday morning, i noticed something (blame it on the curse of seeing the little details), and suddenly, I was filled with a sense of calm. No, I am don’t think I should call it the peace of God, for you see, this particular thing should have set me on edge, but it didn’t.

I have been unconsciously choosing to hold on to it, my past uncertainty, my past doubt, my past choices – rethinking, reanalysing each step of the way – Yup, extremely unhealthy I know! Then i remembered a devotional that i read much earlier in the year…

It talked about why God chose to take the Israelites through the wilderness, because, you see there was a shorter more direct route available. The focus wasn’t the destination but it was the journey to the destination. Like me, their focus was on the ‘get-me-to-the-promise’, man I cannot wait – yet God’s focus was, I desire for you to know me, for you to trust me, let’s take this route instead, I am longing to show you who I say I am. Trust me.

And that is exactly what I did, let it go, and keep walking.

Haha, no, everything isn’t magically okay now, and no, certain individuals still treat me different, but that is when I remember, we are all human, and it is in our human weakness that God is made known. You know, the glow that shines on you when you feel like crap.

Yes, so this letting-go-thing is quite liberating. Last evening, like most Kampalans, I rushed out of office to avoid the rain and traffic. I got to my stage in record time, 15mins, and then there were no taxis, when one comes along 30 minutes later, we were literally pushing and shoving our way in. Then we got held up in traffics for close to an hour. The skies opened, and down came the rain in millions of angry sheets. My immediate thought was, Lord, what is your problem?? Can’t you see I am trying here??? and then it occured to me, I have never walked/danced/sang in the rain before. No, I am not kidding! So when the taxi made the miraculous ascent up the steep slippery gullied-hill (bytheway, thank you for that Lord.), and stopped at my stage, I jumped out, opened my run-down-broken excuse of an umbrella and shielded my hair.

That was when I saw it. The huge road-gullies were filled with water rushing about angrily, with the rain still pouring I made my way toward it timidly. I began calculating the probability of my shoe being taken away by the current, what were the odds I will fall, I wondered. Adjacent to me, a little pub open for business, in front of the pub, the locals already warming themselves with a little something, sat staring at me. I was their evening’s entertainment, I’ll wager a few placed bets.

As I walked up and down the gulley in the pouring rain, I finally said to hell with it. I inched as close as I could get with out falling, drew a deep breath, then jumped. Yes, my eyes were shut at that moment. You have no idea how liberated I felt at that moment. As I walked up the hill, a conqueror returning from a conquest, I thought hit me – ‘while you are here, you might as well take pictures of this feat’. Yup, and wouldn’t you know it, I fulled out the little camera, and began snapping away – yes, it was still pouring pretty hard.

Awww man, I loved it! True, my shoes may never recover, my hair is… well… as it is, but I loved it!

Even know as the rain has just started falling again, I’m smiling to myself, because I have a secret…

You no longer have a hold on me.

 
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Posted by on September 6, 2011 in GOD, God's Grace, Inspiration, Life, Me

 

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Who You Are… Who Are You…

god(gäd)

Noun:

  1. (in Christianity and other monotheistic religions) The creator and ruler of the universe and source of all moral authority; the supreme being
  2. (in certain other religions) A superhuman being or spirit worshiped as having power over nature or human fortunes; a deity
  3. An image, idol, animal, or other object worshiped as divine or symbolizing a god
  4. Used as a conventional personification of fate
  5. An adored, admired, or influential person
  6. A thing accorded the supreme importance appropriate to a god
  7. The gallery in a theater
  8. The people sitting in this area

It is so hard for me to wrap my little brain around an almighty powerful God. This past week I have actually found myself trying to do and failing. A King who is jealous for me, A Father who’s love for me is all consuming, A Friend who gets me – knows what I’m thinking before I ever utter a word.

How on earth is this even possible? I cannot see a King concerning himself with me, what I am going through. A Father who loves me regardless of what I do or have done, one who sings over me?! What is that about? A Friend who gets me, just for just – Har!

You see, I have been taught otherwise, by the movies I have watched, the books I have read and the people I have interacted with, such things are unheard of. If you really loved me, you wouldn’t have let me go through this suffering, if you were all knowing, why didn’t you warn me?

The Bible calls you: Supreme Being. King of Kings. Father. Creator. Hater. Ruler. Cause of Wars, Disease & Famine. Corrupt. Abba. Love. Lover. Intimate Friend. Almighty. Powerful. Comforter. Faithful. Just.

But what does the Bible know?

There was no AIDS or suicide Bombers in that day. God seemed to speak a lot during that time, today… the only time I have audibly heard from you, it has cost me a price. I heard that you created me unique, then why did you place me near those that constantly make me ‘feel’ un-unique

Bible tells us who you are, but I need to know, who are you??

Can I even define you? Do I even know how to start defining you? How can I trust you, if my definition of trust is nowhere near yours? Rumour has is it, you defend me – but once again, I cannot see any evidence of this. You see, I believe what I see.

How do I know You?

 
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Posted by on August 31, 2011 in Devotions, GOD, Inspiration

 

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Do You See Me??

Feels like i`ve been here forever,
Why can`t you just intervene?
Do you see the tears keep falling?
And i`m falling apart at the seams.

So I`ll stop searching for the answers,
I`ll stop praying for an escape,

 
1 Comment

Posted by on August 20, 2011 in GOD, HIM, Inspiration, Life, Music

 

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Puny Little Minds

If only you let me get that job, If only they saw my potential, If only they had lived one day longer, If only they would buy me that gadget, If only I would get a raise, If only…

The statements that we find ourselves swearing against – “If only…, I will/would”. We surmount all our hope and faith in this one thing at a particular time. Then when it goes through, we are elated beyond words. So excited, our faith is once again restored because something has been done for us. We now believe that anything can happen. Anything is possible. We have seen and we believe – albeit for a little while, till we need our next fix.

But our only issue is that we shall soon ‘need’ something else, and need it ‘badly’. Even more that the previous one. This time we shall plead and cajole, even attempting to twist the arm of the one that we do not see – however, this time round, nothing happens. Instead of the bold confidence that came with the past receiving, your back now stoops and ashes are on your head, you mourn and wail about how no one care, pssh! there is no God. If there was one, he would have let: the promotion pass me by, my best friend die, hunger and famine, pot holes in the roads, senseless war & terrorist attacks.

Oh, this God that is supposed to be almighty, yet fit our own individual definitions of who he is, this one that we have boxed and said – if he were God he would be good – where good means (*insert your definition*). How small he is.

Oh how puny your little mind to believe that because you have chosen to turn your back on Him, He is no longer God, because you curse the very bane of his existence – he trembles with fear in the far corner of heaven, because you reject His gift of Love – he will slowly fade away into the distant past.

If you think you can define your GOD and even go further to box him – then he isn’t that awesome, great & magnificent, now is he?

 
10 Comments

Posted by on August 19, 2011 in GOD, God's Grace, Life

 

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A gaze into reality

The simple beauty of rushing wind. Melodious harmony results when nature gives into the whimsies of the wind.

To my left I heard a constant tapping, so i cast a cursory glance to find out what it was – a wrinkled dried up leaf miraculously still hanging to a plant, kept grazing away at the pot beneath it.

I turned my concentration back to my book only to notice the old stillness that had settled all around me. Like the stillness that fills an opera house just before the symphony begins.

Then as if on cue, a solitary leaf fell, brushing against branches on it’s to the grass beneath. A short distance a way the constant gently sound go the builders shovel could be heard – as he mixed and slapped the mixture onto the brick next to him.

Then He began.

I could feel him on my face yet still see him move in front of me. The gentle touch from my left cheek to under my chin to my right cheek, slightly but gently lifting my face from my book again. Moving through the trees from left to right, right to left yet all at the same time.

Far off, I could see the builder’s unbuttoned shirt dance as he worked on the structure beneath him. The trees, only to happy to appease him, moved and swayed to match his intensity. Each making his own joyous sound.

He kept it up, his dance, his song, for a little while longer – teasing and prancing.

I indulged him and smiled and then turned back to my book.

On the way there, a single solitary flower had landed on its face.

 
4 Comments

Posted by on February 15, 2011 in Life

 

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Know your power & Walk in it!!!

I’m reading this book by Smith Wigglesworth and i thought i’d share some of the passages that have really blessed me:

…It is in the closeness of the association and oneness with Christ that there is no fear, but perfect confidence all the time. The child of God does not need to go back a day for his experience, for the presence of the Lord is with him and the Holy Spirit is in him, in mighty power, If he will believe…

…There is a place in the Holy Spirit where we will not allow unbelief to affect us, for God has all the power in heaven and earth. And now that I am in the secret knowledge of this power, I stand in a place where my faith is not to be limited because I have the knowledge that He is in me and I in Him…

…You are to have the gifts and to claim them. The Lord will certainly change your lives and you will be new men and new women. Are you asking for a double portion? I trust that no one will “come short” in any gift. You say, “I have asked. Do you think God will be pleased if i ask again?” Yes, do so before Him. Ask again, and we may go forth in the Spirit of the cloak. Then we will no longer be working in our own strength but in the Holy Spirit’s strength, and we will see and know His power because we believe!

Walk in your blessing!!

Mob love..

Special Deds: Here and Now – Paul Baloche

 
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Posted by on May 21, 2009 in HIM

 

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Walking before God

“..Serve me faithfully and live a blameless life..” (Gen. 17:1 NLT)

Walk before me blameless… Is that possible?

 
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Posted by on February 25, 2009 in Life

 

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