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Last week I began reading Francine River‘s Sons of Encouragement, I’m currently on the story of Aaron. The more I read, the more irritated I get. I mean COME ON!!

That reaction is to the attitude of the Israelites. Even with physical evidence, they didn’t trust God. Their trust was totally dependent on their needs being met. As soon as their puny little minds believed that God was holding back on them, all hell would break loose. They actually wanted to go back to captivity.

Scrap the fact that he had proved himself by showing them all those signs and wonders back in Egypt. Heck, the Red Sea parting… erase that! The Manna & Quail…pssh! They wanted water and they wanted water NOW!!

Yet, even as my face betrayed my disgust for the attitude they portrayed, I was reminded of the millions of times, I too had demanded water. ‘Did you bring me to this point to kill me??’ I asked as I raised my fist at God.

You see, I believe in what I see, touch and feel. The physical. This supernatural mumbo jumbo just doesn’t cut it. However, when I look over the past year, the Physical has disappointed me at almost every turn. Every time, I put my trust in what I saw, disaster befell me, literally.

Which begs the question: Why do we trust some much in the tangible even though, it has disappointed us numerous times? God who on the other hand doesn’t change, is much harder to trust because we cannot see him and hardly ever hear him.

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Posted by on September 12, 2011 in Devotions, GOD, HIM, Life

 

please remember, my month of september

So far, this year has all but chewed me up and spat me out, ground the remains, then sent them through the shredder before the incinerator was called upon.

You see, am supposed to be planning, preparing and blah blah – Yeah, that’s right, I currently sipping a tall glass of lemonade. This was all until Monday morning happened to me ;). I’ve been going around, writing bitter tasting posts, singing the song; if they knew my story, boo-hoo me, everybody hates me, why me – talk about doing badly, indeed.

Well, Monday morning, i noticed something (blame it on the curse of seeing the little details), and suddenly, I was filled with a sense of calm. No, I am don’t think I should call it the peace of God, for you see, this particular thing should have set me on edge, but it didn’t.

I have been unconsciously choosing to hold on to it, my past uncertainty, my past doubt, my past choices – rethinking, reanalysing each step of the way – Yup, extremely unhealthy I know! Then i remembered a devotional that i read much earlier in the year…

It talked about why God chose to take the Israelites through the wilderness, because, you see there was a shorter more direct route available. The focus wasn’t the destination but it was the journey to the destination. Like me, their focus was on the ‘get-me-to-the-promise’, man I cannot wait – yet God’s focus was, I desire for you to know me, for you to trust me, let’s take this route instead, I am longing to show you who I say I am. Trust me.

And that is exactly what I did, let it go, and keep walking.

Haha, no, everything isn’t magically okay now, and no, certain individuals still treat me different, but that is when I remember, we are all human, and it is in our human weakness that God is made known. You know, the glow that shines on you when you feel like crap.

Yes, so this letting-go-thing is quite liberating. Last evening, like most Kampalans, I rushed out of office to avoid the rain and traffic. I got to my stage in record time, 15mins, and then there were no taxis, when one comes along 30 minutes later, we were literally pushing and shoving our way in. Then we got held up in traffics for close to an hour. The skies opened, and down came the rain in millions of angry sheets. My immediate thought was, Lord, what is your problem?? Can’t you see I am trying here??? and then it occured to me, I have never walked/danced/sang in the rain before. No, I am not kidding! So when the taxi made the miraculous ascent up the steep slippery gullied-hill (bytheway, thank you for that Lord.), and stopped at my stage, I jumped out, opened my run-down-broken excuse of an umbrella and shielded my hair.

That was when I saw it. The huge road-gullies were filled with water rushing about angrily, with the rain still pouring I made my way toward it timidly. I began calculating the probability of my shoe being taken away by the current, what were the odds I will fall, I wondered. Adjacent to me, a little pub open for business, in front of the pub, the locals already warming themselves with a little something, sat staring at me. I was their evening’s entertainment, I’ll wager a few placed bets.

As I walked up and down the gulley in the pouring rain, I finally said to hell with it. I inched as close as I could get with out falling, drew a deep breath, then jumped. Yes, my eyes were shut at that moment. You have no idea how liberated I felt at that moment. As I walked up the hill, a conqueror returning from a conquest, I thought hit me – ‘while you are here, you might as well take pictures of this feat’. Yup, and wouldn’t you know it, I fulled out the little camera, and began snapping away – yes, it was still pouring pretty hard.

Awww man, I loved it! True, my shoes may never recover, my hair is… well… as it is, but I loved it!

Even know as the rain has just started falling again, I’m smiling to myself, because I have a secret…

You no longer have a hold on me.

 
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Posted by on September 6, 2011 in GOD, God's Grace, Inspiration, Life, Me

 

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Sense of Belonging

Belonging. This is actually a need. Even for those who feel superior to the issues of other mere mortals, you to have belonging bug in your system. You belong to the group that think they are superior.

I remember when visual fx was the in thing for me – I couldn’t wait to rub shoulders with professionals – I loved the glory associated with creating sleek moving graphics. Then there was the writing phase, first in P5; when i wrote my first romance novel (surprisingly i wasn’t in love or crushing on anyone at the time), this plot was abandoned in P6, but it cropped back up in S.2 and later in S.4 vacation. The S.2 novel was really my expression of power, lol, I’d listen to my friends reaction to the book and then kill or maim the person they loved, dramatically changing the story – no, my childhood wasn’t disturbed. You see, my class had these two amazing girls from Kitante, who also wrote – but their stories were a lot more superior to mine. The S4 Vacation book was little more powerful for me, it was a story that had grown in me for a little while, by the time I got to write it, I loved it from the start – then I lent it to my friend, tehehehe, and she misplaced it.

Anyway, fast forwarding along the line, there came blogging, I was first on blogger, but it was a lonely time – I got only one post up 🙂 and I had no idea that a Blogren existed. Then, I was introduced to wordpress and the UG Blogren, soon after that, we met and fell in love with Twitter. Needless to say, there always seems to something new coming up.

I guess what really matters is the why behind what we are doing. I remember my exercise craze from a few months ago – you should have known what motive was – I guess, when you catch the reason/motive behind; what you are doing, who you are dying to hang with, who you want to hire – you will have a fairly good idea why something is going the way it is.

What’s your reason?

 
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Posted by on September 1, 2011 in Devotions, GOD, HIM

 

Who You Are… Who Are You…

god(gäd)

Noun:

  1. (in Christianity and other monotheistic religions) The creator and ruler of the universe and source of all moral authority; the supreme being
  2. (in certain other religions) A superhuman being or spirit worshiped as having power over nature or human fortunes; a deity
  3. An image, idol, animal, or other object worshiped as divine or symbolizing a god
  4. Used as a conventional personification of fate
  5. An adored, admired, or influential person
  6. A thing accorded the supreme importance appropriate to a god
  7. The gallery in a theater
  8. The people sitting in this area

It is so hard for me to wrap my little brain around an almighty powerful God. This past week I have actually found myself trying to do and failing. A King who is jealous for me, A Father who’s love for me is all consuming, A Friend who gets me – knows what I’m thinking before I ever utter a word.

How on earth is this even possible? I cannot see a King concerning himself with me, what I am going through. A Father who loves me regardless of what I do or have done, one who sings over me?! What is that about? A Friend who gets me, just for just – Har!

You see, I have been taught otherwise, by the movies I have watched, the books I have read and the people I have interacted with, such things are unheard of. If you really loved me, you wouldn’t have let me go through this suffering, if you were all knowing, why didn’t you warn me?

The Bible calls you: Supreme Being. King of Kings. Father. Creator. Hater. Ruler. Cause of Wars, Disease & Famine. Corrupt. Abba. Love. Lover. Intimate Friend. Almighty. Powerful. Comforter. Faithful. Just.

But what does the Bible know?

There was no AIDS or suicide Bombers in that day. God seemed to speak a lot during that time, today… the only time I have audibly heard from you, it has cost me a price. I heard that you created me unique, then why did you place me near those that constantly make me ‘feel’ un-unique

Bible tells us who you are, but I need to know, who are you??

Can I even define you? Do I even know how to start defining you? How can I trust you, if my definition of trust is nowhere near yours? Rumour has is it, you defend me – but once again, I cannot see any evidence of this. You see, I believe what I see.

How do I know You?

 
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Posted by on August 31, 2011 in Devotions, GOD, Inspiration

 

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Denial

Denial is a favorite method of coping for many Christians. But not with Jesus. He wants truth in the inmost being, and to get it there he’s got to take us into our inmost being. One way he’ll do this is by bringing up an old memory. You’ll be driving down the road and suddenly remember something from your childhood. Or maybe you’ll have a dream about a long-forgotten person, event, or place. However he brings it up, go with him there. He has something to say to you.

The lessons that have been laid down in pain can be accessed only in pain. Christ must open the wound, not just bandage it over. Sometimes he’ll take us there by having an event repeat itself years later, only with new characters in the current situation. We find ourselves overlooked for a job, just as we were overlooked by our parents. Or we experience fear again, just as we felt those lonely nights in our room upstairs.

These are all invitations to go with him into the deep waters of the heart, uncover the lies buried down there, and bring in the truth that will set us free. Don’t just bury it quickly; ask God what he is wanting to speak to.

Published, 25th Aug, Ransomed Heart // Daily Reading

 
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Posted by on August 25, 2011 in Devotions, GOD, God's Grace, Inspiration, Life

 

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Growing Seeds

My BFF has been preaching the gospel themed ‘wait’. Hold on. Everything will happen at it’s appointed time, there is no need to rush into anything. Time heals all wounds. Wait on the Lord, He will provide for you. Time is your best friend.

When I listen to this, there is always a part of me that wonders, ‘is this guy from this planet?’, ‘What on earth is he smoking??’ I just don’t gerrit – How come for me I’m always in a rush? How come for me, I just cannot wait for the next step? How come for me, I cannot help but wonder what next? How come for me I cannot seem to stop manipulating my surrounds to achieve what I want? What does wait mean anyway?

Someone once called us the ‘Entitled Generation’ or the ‘Microwave Generation’, we pretty much want things now. Right now! Heal this broken-heart now! Make me a millionaire now! Lets fall in love now! I want a promotion now! I should be entitled to benefits now! My start up company should be a hit (never mind it is less than 2 months old).

We pretty much are in a hurry to get it, never mind that Apple actually has a story behind it, never mind that the Addmaya & Nodesix founders have had their character tested along the way. The 75-year-old couple that you idolise have had their love blossom over the 50 something years that they have been together.

When you plant a seed in the ground, there is no forcing it to grow. When you accidentally cut yourself, there is no forcing the wound to heal up fast. When you joined nursery school, you never learned the derivative of y with respect to x (dy, dx). When you were a baby, you never learned to run, then jump, then sit, then crawl. When you get pregnant, you cannot force the unborn child in your womb to develop on your schedule – get ready with in 3 months; I need to go skiing by April.

We have been bombarded with the ‘you can getit now‘ theme – on television, at bookshops, in Church – The Bachlorette/Bachelor (Find love in 11 weeks), 7 ways to be a successful business man TODAY!, 7 ways to be the perfect spouse TODAY!, lets not even get into the genetics studies – In a way, the ‘I want now‘ fever has been been gently but consistently stroked over time.

We are living very much in tomorrow, worried and stressed over it’s uncertainties, planning for the unknown, not learning from yesterday or living in today. What does our future look like if this is all do? Yesterday has a very powerful story to tell, so much to learn; Today is offering us a chance to put into play what we have learned – to water and cultivate. A chance to plant the seeds – seeds that will grow in their own time.

Relationships like seeds, also need time to grow. Rush into it and it may fall down like a stack of cards later on. Don’t give it time and well… Imagine with me for a second – There is this friend of yours, you meet religiously once a week, and whenever you do – they are the one who do all the talking; They call only when they have issues. When you begin to talk, they shut you out. When you do not help solve their issue there and then, they have a tantrum, and start rumors about you, even write blog posts about you.

You would ditch them, wouldn’t you? Yet, this is what we do to God, day in – day out. We expect him to sort out our relationship with him, you know, it’s his responsibility, not mine – alas, this is exactly the same attitude we carry into our relationships with our friends, significant others, bosses and subordinates.

Over the past few months, I have learned that time is my best friend – Growing is such a beautiful thing, she allows you to look back and laugh, smile and grimace at the events that have happened. But more importantly, time heals you, she makes you stronger than your were yesterday and prepares you for what is to come. She teaches you the ways to go, she shows you in slow-mo how a rose bud opens up, she lets you in on the secret of growth.

A secret you can never know unless you are part of the journey.

Wisdom is not cramming our head with principles. It is developing a discerning heart. Waking the Dead

Deds:
Have Your Way – Britt Nicole

 
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Posted by on August 23, 2011 in GOD, God's Grace, Life

 

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Following Him Into The Unknown

Either we wake to tackle our “to do” list, get things done, guided by our morals and whatever clarity we may at the moment have (both rather lacking to the need, I might add); or we wake in the midst of a dangerous Story, as God’s intimate ally, following him into the unknown.

If you’re not pursuing a dangerous quest with your life, well, then, you don’t need a Guide. If you haven’t found yourself in the midst of a ferocious war, then you won’t need a seasoned Captain. If you’ve settled in your mind to live as though this is a fairly neutral world and you are simply trying to live your life as best you can, then you can probably get by with the Christianity of tips and techniques. Maybe. I’ll give you about a fifty-fifty chance. But if you intend to live in the Story that God is telling, and if you want the life he offers, then you are going to need more than a handful of principles, however noble they may be. There are too many twists and turns in the road ahead, too many ambushes waiting only God knows where, too much at stake. You cannot possibly prepare yourself for every situation. Narrow is the way, said Jesus. How shall we be sure to find it? We need God intimately, and we need him desperately.

“You have made known to me the path of life,” David said (Ps. 16:11). Yes-that’s it. In all the ins and outs of this thing we call living, there is one narrow path to life, and we need help finding it.

Published, 19th Aug, Ransomed Heart // Daily Reading

 
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Posted by on August 22, 2011 in GOD, HIM, Inspiration, Life

 

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