Yesterday was what I would call the longestestest day, probably because I was so deeply immersed in my own thoughts, going over everyone of them, carefully thinking to myself, was that right, wasn’t it. Yesterday, I was presented with the most amazing opportunity to question a choice that I made.
You know those circumstances that present you options like a Boolean equation? Those problems where the answer is either/or, off/on, light/dark, yes/no – there is no middle ground, no maybe, no grey area. It is in such circumstances that I make excellent use of my friends, pick up the phone or log on and chat. This particular time, even though they were sympathetic they all sang the tune: “It is your decision to make”. I’m thinking, if I knew what to do, I wouldn’t be calling/chatting you, but alas, they wouldn’t budge. So I moved on and made my decision. As the word started to get out, the reactions are varying (I mentioned this in a previous post), now yesterday, my reaction wavered.
Goliath’s cousin paid me a visit, and he stayed a really long while. His name is Doubt.
My only trouble is that I listened to him, I heard his point of view on the matter, I discussed the possibilities that he could be right and that I could have been wrong. I mean, who is this day and age can claim what I claimed. You see, Doubt came at the right time, the ground had already been tilled by emotions and well-meaning friends. The more we chatted, the more I realised I had right doing what I had done, the more agitated and unsettled I became.
You see long before me, there were others like me – others I have read about. I can tell you of two: Eve & Sarah – One had it all and the other had the promise of it all – but they inevitable thought the same thing I thought yesterday… “This can’t be it. God must be holding back on me. He must have meant” …
The questions I asked myself were: But was it really God? Would God really do something like that? I cannot see how this plan of His is going to work out, heck, I do not even see the plan! How come the other ones, for them it works? Everyone else thinks this is the way to go, whats with you?
Much Much later, after what I thought to be quite a long day, I realised a number of things: Not knowing where you are headed is okay because that is when you actually have use of a guide. When doubt comes is when you actually learn to trust and cling to what you know, not what you don’t or what may be.
What do we know: When he says something, it is always for a reason. He knows what He is doing. He knows the plans he has for us. He is all knowing and knows it all. But most importantly, He LOVES me more than I would ever understand. A Love that gave all.
That means: I have no business being worried or concerned about what i do not know. He has it all covered. If I let Him, He is more than willing to show me – all I have to do is trust him.
Doubt in itself is not a sin, it is just the amazing power of suggestion. What you decide/choose to do next is what is important. – therisingpage
I love the Lord because he hears my voice and my prayer for mercy. Because he bends down to listen, I will pray as long as I have breath! – Ps. 116: 1-2